GLC- I Ain't Even On Yet

Swagger Like Us

When I was younger I hated Sam Goodie and Camelot. I hated the Idea of some commercial establishment hijacking my music and charging $10 for a watered-down version of an album from an artist who put out a nice single. I loved going to small Mom and Pops stores spending hours listening to the b- sides of single being played in the store. I miss talking to the coolest guy in the city (the clerk, who may or may not have been high); he knew everything about every artist and album. He looked at me through those dope boy glasses and said, "This is the shit" and then followed it by sealing his approval with "word". He told me that I wasn't gonna like this and that and I believed him. I still spent hours in the shop going through the mix tapes under the retail shit. I would look carefully take my time and cultivate my ears to what I wanted out of an artist or group. I loved losing my day in there and you know what I ain't have to text none of my boys because they would show up there (and there was no such thing as texting). We could ague in the store over the best artist look at the posters we did not have the nerve to hang up on our walls. The music shop was the shit. It closed.


When the music shop closed I started going to Camelot. Those guys there were a piece of work. They played a selection of music overhead that sounded like the radio. You ask them about your favorite band and they look right through you. By the way I am almost sure these guys were high. Overtime I got used to going in this trap. I got used to the other shoppers and this is who you talk to in Camelot. Conversations normally went like this:

Me: Aye you heard of these guys
Shopper: yeah the boys sound like....
Me: You know ... had a show at ...
Shopper: I was there you was with ... and them you know ...
who opened for ... has a new album out
Me: Word
Shopper: Word it hot too

This was great. I now met people and got new music. since I was in the mall already I developed a mean sneaker addiction. This was to compensate for the time I had left over after I left Camelot. Yea I blame them. Fuck Camelot. Camelot then changed their name to FYE and started selling video games, magazines, and a whole lot of crap, but no mix tapes. I started going to the flea market, screw shops, swap meets, or the coliseum (what ever your hood calls this place were they sell bootleg every thing or in some cases everything fresh). The only other problem with Camelot is those prices started to climb like an adolescent into his girlfriends’ window.


I can't spend $20 on compact disc. I have to go to Best Buy. No redeeming value in getting music from Best Buy. Try Target. Fuck. Hell no I hate Wal-Mart. What's iTunes? Hey why pay iTunes. I don't get any customer service. No actual interaction with other customers. I should just download music for free off of napster, livewire, and now music blogs. I now spend more time searching and downloading music than I actually do listing and taking in the music that I download. I don't appreciate the music any more. I used to love music, but now it has been rendered as insignificant as check my fantasy football team. So much for progress. I now have more remixes to "Swagger like us" than I can enjoy. How many internet remixes of "No One" does one really need. Please stop Jonathan Davies from covering current hip hop songs. I am addicted to the download links. And no one on the corner got downloads like me.

Since I've been gone

I've been gone for a minute but now I am back. Sorry if you missed me. I know i am the only one reading this so I missed me. I was not on vaca I was on a break. during my break it became evident that I missed a lot of things worth blogging about or blog worthy events.
Olympics
Let's pick up where I left off in my last installment I was covering the Olympics. Well we all know how it ended Mike Phelps won the whole thing and China won more gold medals than every country. We also learned that new communism is a show off. Same old oppressive government with an arrogant put it in your face twist. They invited the world to see how little the government cares about what the rest of the world thinks. The taunt us with their little gymnasts and their smog. They gave those who did not like it a big red finger.
US Politics
Both parties had their coventions. One party had a bitter old lady declaring that she and her "Traveling Suits" were endorsing Barack Obama. Her crazy husband my just be looking accross party line because...
The other party chose Ms Alaska 1984 as the Veep choice. we have since learned that we should not cross her because she will have us fired. She opposes abortion and supports teen pregnacy. Katie Kouric was mean to her actually asking her questions concerning political issues forcing her dad to come save her.

White People are just misunderstood

As I peruse the World Wide Web I stumbled across a site called Stuff White People Like. I thought this to be a bit presumptuous. Does this author profess to know all that all white people like? So for the next three hours I began to go through the list of whiteness. I did it as research for my blog and also as a means to stay awake while I indulged in some late afternoon Olympic Handball.

Tangent: Really? Handball looks like “the World” decided to clean up soccer, basketball, and foosball. The result: An event that makes WNBA basketball look like a Jerry Bruckheimer summer blockbuster. The uniforms were great but the girls…unpopular (I like popular girls and so do you)

Stuff the author proclaims white people like are things I believe most “colors” like if given the same opportunity as whites. That’s white folks I am talking about affirmative action. Let’s have a look-see shall we?

#1 Coffee – Coffee is $4 a cup the other colors don’t have $4 3 times a day for 30 days to spend on coffee. $360 dollars a month on coffee? Only white people have that kind of disposable income. By comparison black people spend $50 a month on coffee and related products, blue people seemed to have peeked out at $120, and orange people prefer tea, spending only $22 a month on coffee.
#10 Wes Anderson Movies – Who is Wes Anderson? Is this something they learn about in the gifted programs? Bill Murray? Didn’t he play 1st base for the Baltimore Orioles? Royal Tenenbaums? I disagree other colors like Christmas movies.
#11 Asian Women – Who doesn’t have the occasional sexual fantasy about horizontal lust of the orient? My favorite fantasy involves this chick from Timmy Chan’s and some duck sauce. If given the opportunity this would happen today and I would blog it tomorrow. No… I would sell a video of the event and “you buy now”.
#16 Gifted Children – This author says that all white children, according to their parents, are in gifted programs. What does this mean? I this where white kids go to enhance their knowledge of coffee beans, Asian bath houses, Wes Anderson, other peoples cultures, or grammar. Perhaps this is where little Billy goes to learn about cool black people or world religions. I wished I would have been in a gifted program then I would be in a position to drink $360 dollars worth of coffee a month, or quote every line from Caddy Shack; perhaps divorce a white women (instead of just having sex with them), or enjoy snowboarding in Vancouver.

What Does This Mean?

What is Dangers in Courtesy Flushing?
D.I.C.F. seeks to explain the the unexplained phenomenon of nothing and everything. To understand the previous sentence one must first understand the dangers in courtesy flushing. The danger in courtesy flushing is you never are given an opportunity to examine consistency and color of your stool. Consider the following:

A young man and his friends were traveling after a night of partying (drinking, chasing whores, and fighting) he woke up to find himself inside a Jetta right side up in a ditch. The young lady beside him barely breathing and he barely had a scratch on him. He reached in the her purse and pulled out her Altoids's (who wants to have bad breath or dirty underwear when the medics arrive...they do judge) and mobile phone and called the contact denoted as ICE (In case of emergency). Her roommate answered and was on her way. When the roommate arrived the medics were already on the scene they said it looked as though the passenger was moved into the driver's seat, but could not prove anything. About this time he realized the roommate was freaking hot and asked her for a ride home. He claimed he could not remember his address so the attractive young lady took him to her place. She commented on his fresh breath. He commented on her more than ample breast. The two began to love wrestle. Afterwards it seems the gin had began to work through his system, and he went to her bathroom to shit. He knew how foul gin shits smelled so he courtesy flushed. He returns to the bedroom and the two of them cuddled. Hours later the beautiful roommate realized the young man was not breathing. He was dead. Massive internal bleeding.

Had he not courtesy flushed he would have noticed the maroon stool, sought medical attention, and would be alive to tell this story himself. D.I.C.F. seeks to expose the bloody stools in society so we can all survive one night stands and tell our friends about it.